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Jan 13Liked by Gabriel Berezin

Still working on how to manage self defeat. Most “experts” say to talk to yourself like you would a friend which I’ve never really gotten the hang of. Since raising a new babe, thinking about how I would talk to her/teach her/guide her has been a helpful way to reframe how I respond to my “shit”. I am much more gentle and patient with her than even a friend.

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So weird. Your dream brought up lots of real life memories for me. I discovered Nirvana before even Bleach came out because I bought a sub pop compilation and they had “Spank Thru” on it. It was my favorite song on the whole comp. I had a HUGE crush on Kurt and the first time I went to see them (at Maxwell’s in NJ) I went up to Krist before the show and asked if he was in Nirvana (I had only seen blurry black and white sub pop photos of them but I knew one of the guys was very tall). Krist walked me out to their tour van and sold me a tee shirt from the back of the van (sold it a couple of years ago for $400, coffee stains and all). I was too shy to take to Kurt but the show was AMAZING. The next time I saw them (at The Moon in New Haven CT) I got there so early and Kurt smiled at me (this was about a month before he met Courtney and I had her same “look”) but I was still too shy to speak to him. The club kicked me out because they weren’t even open yet but when Nirvana went on, Kurt through fruit out onto the audience. The last piece was a melon that he took a bite out of and then handed down to me in the audience. I took a bite out of it too and watched the whole show holding the melon. I always thought if I had only had the nerve to speak to him maybe I would have been his GF instead of Courtney but later on I was glad because he said some rather off putting things in interviews. Your dream feelings of ALMOST playing with Nirvana remind me of my real feelings of ALMOST being Kurts girlfriend.

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Omg, this was such a gripping story - I had no idea! Though not surprised at all you discovered Nirvana before eveyrone else and that you had a shot at Kurt.

Wow - our lives could have been so different! Well, yours could have been ;).

(I hope Oscar's not mad...)

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It was before I met him but I actually think Oscar is cooler than Kurt. Who wants a musician when you can have a PI ! (Queue Hall and Oats “Private Eyes, they’re watching you..”)

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You absolutely made the right decision. He’s not good enough for you. (O is)

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