I Dream of Celebrities
But it never gets frisky!
All celebrity dreams are porn
A few weeks ago I posted a request on social media to share what celebrity makes the most cameos in their dreams.
My friend Hanna texted within seconds of publishing with a bold statement:
“All celebrity dreams are porn”
And then the rest of the responses starting rolling in, 90% of which were from women. Most of the dream celebrities were of the opposite sex (except Natasha who mentioned Anne Hathaway and said no more). About 90% of those were sex dreams.
I guess Hanna was onto something.
On TikTok, one woman said it was sex with George Clooney, another with Bobby Flay (I didn’t know who Bobby Flay was).
Of course there was a Brad Pitt appearance, and Jack Nicholson. And Hanna has recurring risqué dreams about Loki from the Marvel movies.
My ex-coworker friend Kate mentioned Abraham Lincoln (I’m still waiting to hear if it was salacious).
Can I Finish, Drea De Matteo?
I always know the celebrities in my dreams, presidents included. The last Fuguesletter featured Biden who called me by name (albeit rudely).
Researching an interpretation for dreaming of POTUSAs, the same theme kept coming up - a focus on leadership and power. But I think it’s more about a misplaced sense of familiarity.
When I was a teenager Jenny McCarthy used to appear a lot. I’d like to say this was an example of an…indecent dream, but usually she was just soliciting my advice. I’m sure I had a lot of important insights for her career.
Living in NYC the last 20 years, I’ve had a handful of celebrity interactions in “real” life. The one that still stings features Drea De Matteo.
My pedal steel-playing friend Gordon was touring with Shooter Jennings about 10 years ago when Shooter was dating Drea
Gordon unwisely invited me to their tour bus after a show somewhere in upstate NY (with a few too many drinks in me). I was a big Sopranos fan and it was hard to keep my cool meeting Drea who was very charming and friendly.
We fell into a conversation about family, and I acquired a bad case of motor mouth. I was yammering on about something, and she had some passionate opinions, which she was trying to politely, thoughtfully share. But God help me, I kept interrupting her. I don’t think I said these exact words, but it was something to the effect of “Drea, I’m talking.”
She was taken aback, which gave her a distinctly more Adriana vibe.
I think the following dream was trying to teach me something based on that celebrity experience.
Dream Fugue: Pals with Barry
This dream happened some time in the early morning of January 20th, 2018
The setting was a beautiful restaurant somewhere in bougie NYC - Brooklyn Heights or the West Village. I was seated at a bar on the second floor overlooking a huge dining room and a first floor bar, bustling with famous pretty people.
Barack Obama was on my left and Michelle on my right. Michelle looked glamorous but not over dressed. She was struggling to breathe laughing at a punny joke I had just made.
Barack was eating a huge ice cream sundae.
“Gabe. Would you. Like. An ice cream sundae? Cuz this one. I gotta tell ya. Is outta this world right now.”
“Ya know what, I will have one, but you’re not buyin! I know you’re just a regular citizen now with bills like the rest of us!”
“You joker,” he laughed. “Yup, Michelle and I are…loving life after the White House. And ya know what else, Gabe? We just feel fortunate to be spending it with you.”
“Well, I’m honored Mr. Presid-”
“Ah!” Michelle gave me a gentle elbow.
“Ahhh!” Barack echoed her with a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth.
“Ahhhhhhh!” Now a chorus of all three of us.
“Oh my god, I almost said it!”
“Careful! That’s…a federal offense in these great states!” Barack was bordering on a brainfreeze ice cream headache.
Just then I paused. Dream me remembered the tendency to get too comfortable too fast with people I don’t really know. The Obamas are a particularly chummy First Couple after all. So I made a mental note to hold back ensuring I didn’t say something obnoxious or offensive.
Meanwhile Barack was really going at it with his sundae. Mine arrived but I didn’t match his fervor while eating it. He kept looking back at me. His lips, his whole face really, were covered in chocolate ice cream.
He noticed my lackluster spooning, “Gabe. What. Is…taking you so long?!”
“Mr Pres-, Barry…Barack, you’re covered in ice cream”
Michelle laughed. Michelle was mostly a Non Player Character in this dream (shit, does this make me sexist?).
“I can’t help it. I’m high on life!’ he yelped.
“And you’re kind of a shitshow too!”
To myself, “dammit, Gabe, we just went over this.”
A dreadfully long pause followed as Michelle and Barack stared at each other. Then, as if they agreed on the timing, broke into hysterical laughter. Barack still had ice cream all over his face and his starched white button down shirt.
With my guard down, I couldn’t help overshare, “you guys are weird!”
They continued laughing until I woke up.
When dreams are cautionary tales
The Obamas dream was a good reminder to check myself in those situations.
I’d like to think since 2018 I’ve learned when to shut the hell up, moderate my commentary a bit (aka, mansplain less), and maybe be less sexist.
(Please don’t feel the need to comment on my progress.)
Coming soon…
There are a couple new Fugues episodes coming out about dreams.
The next one explores, among other things, why celebrities show up in our dreams. And while no presidents make an appearance, Mr Brian Cox is a key character.
Subscribe to the podcast to be notified of the next episode once it becomes available!
I'm so jealous of you and your dreams that you can even quote dialogue from. Mine usually evaporate within minutes of waking. Regardless, really love you digging into the interpretations of such celeb-filled dreams!